messed up again

well, girl has done it again. girl messed up. while girl was on imvu with Master rearranging things in one of Master's rooms, girl was messaged by sister larisa. she was asking girl for some advice. since all girl was doing was sitting in different spots and waiting for Master to arrange things just so girl chatted with larisa on yahoo. girl was still paying attention to Master. more often than not girl was on the next spot before Master told her to. girl was watching His chat bubbles. *giggles*

anyway, girl got in trouble for chatting with someone else while she was with Master. Master hasn't given girl her punishment yet. girl worries about what it will be. why can't girl do right? she hates messing up. girl shouldn't mess up like that. girl has been depressed about it all day. girl feels so horrible when she messes up.

girl was also really tired again today. after messing up with Master girl tried to sleep again. girl kept dreaming she was being chased by someone who wanted to kill her. it was not a good sleep.

an off day

girl has had an off day all day. she didn't sleep well at all last night. girl was very restless for some reason. girl got up an hour late this morning. she was still very tired and her arms ached and felt heavy. Mistress allowed girl to go back to bed this morning because of how she was feeling. try as she might girl still didn't get much sleep. the phone rang and girl's daughter kept waking her up. so girl gave up trying to sleep. girl did some school work and talked to Mistress. girl went after some groceries. girl just feels so exhausted today. more so than some days. it is a constant thing lately. bloodwork showed no reason for the tiredness. girl doesn't know what it is. it really worries girl. it also worries girl that she often feels so tired that she won't stick to her schedule and get punished. girl tries hard. some days are better than others. girl just does her best and takes it one day at a time.

a very happy kajira

this girl is so very happy. it feels so wonderful to be back with Master and Mistress both together. we all seem to be so connected and family like. girl was a bit upset earlier this evening when Mistress reminded us all that girl had to get back to her schedule so we had to end our conversation. girl didn't want it to end. she was in pure heaven. girl got over being upset though...for the most part. *giggles* Master said we would be celebrating tonight and that makes girl very excited. girl is hoping that Master will allow us to stay up later so we can celebrate longer.

girl worries about saying or doing the wrong thing and upsetting Master again like she did before she left Him. girl did not mean to hurt Him before and certainly doesn't want to again. we have all be through more than enough hurt. it is time for us to all help each other heal.

girl is not sure what kind of relationship she will have with larisa (she only belongs to Master). things have been very stressed between her and girl since girl met Master 2 months ago. girl is truly unsure how she feels about larisa. guess time will tell.

*does a happy dance* now if girl could just get her kids to stop fighting and calling each other names girl would have nothing more to wish for.

happy happy joy joy

girl is very happy tonight. she spent most of her morning chatting with Master. then this evening talking to Mistress and Master both. Mistress and girl are back with Master and they both own girl in imvu and beyond. this is the happiest day of this girl's life. girl loves them both and needs them both. this girl is the luckiest girl in the galaxy.

confusing feelings

girl asked Mistress today if it was wrong or bad to still love Master and still miss Him. Mistress said no it isn't. Mistress said She still loves and misses Him as well. this led to us talking about Him all the more. we decided to visit His imvu page and Mistress left Him a message. Master ended up inviting Mistress to chat but She told Him She was busy with girl. girl told Mistress to go ahead and invite Him if She wanted. girl wanted to hate Him and give Him a hug at the same time. we all chatted for a while and girl felt ready to gouge His eyes out a little...just enough to hurt. Mistress had to leave so Master left. girl told Mistress she never wanted to speak to Him again.

after a couple of minutes the more girl thought about it the more she really wanted to give Master a piece of her mind and ask Him a couple of things. girl invited Him to chat. girl had every intention of telling Him off and asking Him to just leave girl and Mistress alone and to even block us both. that was girl's intention....honest. she just couldn't do it. girl still loves Master even though she wishes she didn't.

this all really confuses girl. Mistress and girl might go back to Master but girl worries about what all that will mean...what all will change?

trying to get on track

girl is still trying to get back on track after all the stress that happened with Master Onyx. Mistress has a set schedule for girl that will be the same week after week. yesterday girl got up late. then girl and both her kids had a doctor's appointment. girl got results from some bloodwork she had done. girl's bad cholesteral is too high and her good cholesteral is too low. the doctor put girl on some medication for it (joy joy more pills to take) and gave girl a diet plan. (again joy joy) guess girl shouldn't complain too much. girl wanted to change her eating habits anyway...she just didn't want a doctor telling her she had to.

so after the doctor's appointment we stopped for lunch at Arby's. (yes, girl knows. she just got told not to eat that food.) after Arby's we went to Walmart to go to the pharmacy. the kids needed their hair cut so while girl wanted for the prescriptions girl got the kids on the list at the salon in Walmart. After picking up the meds and the hair cuts all done it was time to get a few things.....a kitchen garbage can, notebooks for girl's two new classes that started yesterday, mechanical pencils.

finally we got home. girl's day was totally shot and she was feeling exhausted. girl was late meeting Mistress for our 3pm chat. Mistress could tell how tired girl was and told girl to go take a nap. girl did not argue. she really needed it.

this morning girl's alarm did not go off so girl was again up 45minutes late. girl did her kneeling, got Elsa around for school and then girl and Maverick headed to the hospital for bloodwork. it was really cold out this morning at 830am but it was only a couple of blocks and did girl and her son both some good. we had to wait for a while but total time waiting in all areas and getting everything done was a little less than an hour.

girl HATES needles but knows that if she lets them freak her out it will hurt more and will take longer. well, Maverick, who is 14 freaked out. it took 3 of them to get his blood. he had tears in his eyes as we walked down to have breakfast at the hospital cafeteria.

we both ended up eating more than we should have. we were not expecting such large portions but it was really good and will probably be the last time either of us have such a large and good breakfast.

after the breakfast we walked back home and got in the car to go to Aldi's for some groceries. apples, oranges, bananas, romaine lettuce, whole wheat bread, rice cakes, baby carrots, skim milk and a 3 tier steamer that will come in handy

when girl got home she tried to get started on her schedule but again she felt exhausted. girl took her nap at 11 instead of at 1. girl needed it and felt much better when she got up. she quickly got to work on her schoolwork as scheduled and completed the assignment due today. she has two assignments due on thursday started.

we all had dinner and girl got the dishes and kitchen cleaned up and worked on straightening up the living room.

all day girl has been worried about what kind of punishment she is going to get from Mistress. girl wishes she didn't feel so exhausted. sometimes she just feels a little tired but then other times she feels so exhausted that she can barely think straight or keep her eyes open. girl doesn't like disappointing Mistress and she certainly doesn't like getting punished.

funny how things turn out sometimes

so much has happened since girl last entries....bad and good.

girl had been training with Mistress Maggy while owned by Master Onyx. girl was to have no contact with Master during this time. girl ended up missing Him so much that Mistress Maggy noticed it was effecting girl negatively. She told Master about it and told Him He could talk to girl whenenver He wanted. Master chose to ignore girl instead. this hurt girl terribly. how could He ignore girl when she was hurting so much?

many things were going on in Master's House on imvu. Master decided to create new accounts. He ended up leaving many people behind including 3 of His own kajira. Master took this girl, Mistress Maggy and one other girl with Him. we all created new accounts with new names. this girl had had her account for nearly two years. Master wanted girl to delete her account and girl did so without hesitation.

Master continued to do things that made girl feel that He no longer cared about girl or any one. no matter what girl did or said was wrong and she kept getting into trouble. Master no longer wanted to know what girl was thinking or feeling. every time girl tried to tell Master how she was feeling He told her she was only thinking of herself.

girl ended up feeling like she was hurting Master all the time. He would get upset with girl and just leave the conversation. girl felt like she was hurting Mistress Maggy and Master's other girl. girl didn't want to hurt anyone. girl didn't want to hurt anyone any more so she left Master.

Mistress Maggy was no longer allowed to talk to girl. girl understood it was because Master Onyx had told Her she couldn't. girl was now alone on imvu in a new account with a name that Master had picked out for her.

a couple of days later, Mistress Maggy contacted girl on yahoo. girl was very surprised that She would do this against Master's wishes. Mistress thought Master was wrong for the way He had treated girl and how He turned His back on girl when she needed Him most. girl and Mistress talked for a bit and girl said she wouldn't mind if Mistress owned her. we talked about that a bit. Mistress ended up leaving Master and now owns girl.

Mistress already seems to care more than Master ever did. She is very loving and calls girl Her sunshine because girl brightens Her day. Mistress also owns girl outside of imvu. She made girl a set schedule which girl was allowed to discuss with Her. girl has been very happy so far being owned by Mistress Maggy. it was certainly an expected turn of events but a most pleasant one.

isn't it funny how things turn out sometimes?

thank You Mistress for caring about this girl. girl grows fonder of You every day. girl knows that she will be able to blossom and grow under Your love and guidance.