doubts

girl had a stressfull morning. her son was giving her attitude and she got a message from an ex-Master that bothered girl. girl ended up going back to bed. she just wanted to start her day over and hope the second time was better.

the second time wasn't any better. girl should have just stayed up and talked to Master about everything instead of going back to bed. there is alot of bs going on in Master's House on IMVU. there is so much drama and crap going on there. all of the other girls Master has there hate this one. they haven't really had the chance to get to know girl. Master doesn't allow girl on IMVU without Him so girl has had very limited contact with the other girls. so much is being said by everyone and girl just can not stand it.

it all has girl wondering what exactly makes a girl a good kajira? this one is having so many doubts tonight about herself and the entire Master/slave relationship. girl thought that a good Master/slave relationship was built on trust, honesty and openness. without these three things there is nothing to hold it together no matter how much T/they care about each other. a Master guides His girl and helps her grow. if she has a problem He is there to help. He is there to take care of her needs and wants. a Master can not know what these are if the girl is not honest and open with Him. the girl needs to trust her Master enough to know that He will do what is best for her even if it means that something she wants or needs doesn't get taken care of when she feels it should be. the girl willingly puts her life in her Master's hands. He is the potter that molds her into what He feels is right for them both. the girl does her best to obey Master's every rule. yes, she will fail; she is human but the girl should learn from her failures and see them as ways to improve for her Master. although a girl can never be the perfect kajira she should always strive for it. everything she does is for her Master. everything about her belongs to her Master: her thoughts, dreams, fears everything.

this one knows that she has been falling short a lot lately. right now she wonders if she what she feels about a Master/slave relationship is even close to what it really is supposed to be. girl wonders just how is it determined if one is a good kajira? by how much she obeys? how much she does for her Master? how hard she tries? how much she learns when she fails? what? everything combined? this one no longer knows.

girl did manage to get almost everything on her schedule done today, although not in the order that Master had them. the dishes and kitchen are done, the bathroom cleaned, girl read in Tarnsman of Gor and her Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression. girl posted her homework that was due today in Algebra.