Sunday, January 25, 2009

messed up again

well, girl has done it again. girl messed up. while girl was on imvu with Master rearranging things in one of Master's rooms, girl was messaged by sister larisa. she was asking girl for some advice. since all girl was doing was sitting in different spots and waiting for Master to arrange things just so girl chatted with larisa on yahoo. girl was still paying attention to Master. more often than not girl was on the next spot before Master told her to. girl was watching His chat bubbles. *giggles*

anyway, girl got in trouble for chatting with someone else while she was with Master. Master hasn't given girl her punishment yet. girl worries about what it will be. why can't girl do right? she hates messing up. girl shouldn't mess up like that. girl has been depressed about it all day. girl feels so horrible when she messes up.

girl was also really tired again today. after messing up with Master girl tried to sleep again. girl kept dreaming she was being chased by someone who wanted to kill her. it was not a good sleep.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

an off day

girl has had an off day all day. she didn't sleep well at all last night. girl was very restless for some reason. girl got up an hour late this morning. she was still very tired and her arms ached and felt heavy. Mistress allowed girl to go back to bed this morning because of how she was feeling. try as she might girl still didn't get much sleep. the phone rang and girl's daughter kept waking her up. so girl gave up trying to sleep. girl did some school work and talked to Mistress. girl went after some groceries. girl just feels so exhausted today. more so than some days. it is a constant thing lately. bloodwork showed no reason for the tiredness. girl doesn't know what it is. it really worries girl. it also worries girl that she often feels so tired that she won't stick to her schedule and get punished. girl tries hard. some days are better than others. girl just does her best and takes it one day at a time.

Friday, January 23, 2009

a very happy kajira

this girl is so very happy. it feels so wonderful to be back with Master and Mistress both together. we all seem to be so connected and family like. girl was a bit upset earlier this evening when Mistress reminded us all that girl had to get back to her schedule so we had to end our conversation. girl didn't want it to end. she was in pure heaven. girl got over being upset though...for the most part. *giggles* Master said we would be celebrating tonight and that makes girl very excited. girl is hoping that Master will allow us to stay up later so we can celebrate longer.

girl worries about saying or doing the wrong thing and upsetting Master again like she did before she left Him. girl did not mean to hurt Him before and certainly doesn't want to again. we have all be through more than enough hurt. it is time for us to all help each other heal.

girl is not sure what kind of relationship she will have with larisa (she only belongs to Master). things have been very stressed between her and girl since girl met Master 2 months ago. girl is truly unsure how she feels about larisa. guess time will tell.

*does a happy dance* now if girl could just get her kids to stop fighting and calling each other names girl would have nothing more to wish for.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

happy happy joy joy

girl is very happy tonight. she spent most of her morning chatting with Master. then this evening talking to Mistress and Master both. Mistress and girl are back with Master and they both own girl in imvu and beyond. this is the happiest day of this girl's life. girl loves them both and needs them both. this girl is the luckiest girl in the galaxy.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

confusing feelings

girl asked Mistress today if it was wrong or bad to still love Master and still miss Him. Mistress said no it isn't. Mistress said She still loves and misses Him as well. this led to us talking about Him all the more. we decided to visit His imvu page and Mistress left Him a message. Master ended up inviting Mistress to chat but She told Him She was busy with girl. girl told Mistress to go ahead and invite Him if She wanted. girl wanted to hate Him and give Him a hug at the same time. we all chatted for a while and girl felt ready to gouge His eyes out a little...just enough to hurt. Mistress had to leave so Master left. girl told Mistress she never wanted to speak to Him again.

after a couple of minutes the more girl thought about it the more she really wanted to give Master a piece of her mind and ask Him a couple of things. girl invited Him to chat. girl had every intention of telling Him off and asking Him to just leave girl and Mistress alone and to even block us both. that was girl's intention....honest. she just couldn't do it. girl still loves Master even though she wishes she didn't.

this all really confuses girl. Mistress and girl might go back to Master but girl worries about what all that will mean...what all will change?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

trying to get on track

girl is still trying to get back on track after all the stress that happened with Master Onyx. Mistress has a set schedule for girl that will be the same week after week. yesterday girl got up late. then girl and both her kids had a doctor's appointment. girl got results from some bloodwork she had done. girl's bad cholesteral is too high and her good cholesteral is too low. the doctor put girl on some medication for it (joy joy more pills to take) and gave girl a diet plan. (again joy joy) guess girl shouldn't complain too much. girl wanted to change her eating habits anyway...she just didn't want a doctor telling her she had to.

so after the doctor's appointment we stopped for lunch at Arby's. (yes, girl knows. she just got told not to eat that food.) after Arby's we went to Walmart to go to the pharmacy. the kids needed their hair cut so while girl wanted for the prescriptions girl got the kids on the list at the salon in Walmart. After picking up the meds and the hair cuts all done it was time to get a few things.....a kitchen garbage can, notebooks for girl's two new classes that started yesterday, mechanical pencils.

finally we got home. girl's day was totally shot and she was feeling exhausted. girl was late meeting Mistress for our 3pm chat. Mistress could tell how tired girl was and told girl to go take a nap. girl did not argue. she really needed it.

this morning girl's alarm did not go off so girl was again up 45minutes late. girl did her kneeling, got Elsa around for school and then girl and Maverick headed to the hospital for bloodwork. it was really cold out this morning at 830am but it was only a couple of blocks and did girl and her son both some good. we had to wait for a while but total time waiting in all areas and getting everything done was a little less than an hour.

girl HATES needles but knows that if she lets them freak her out it will hurt more and will take longer. well, Maverick, who is 14 freaked out. it took 3 of them to get his blood. he had tears in his eyes as we walked down to have breakfast at the hospital cafeteria.

we both ended up eating more than we should have. we were not expecting such large portions but it was really good and will probably be the last time either of us have such a large and good breakfast.

after the breakfast we walked back home and got in the car to go to Aldi's for some groceries. apples, oranges, bananas, romaine lettuce, whole wheat bread, rice cakes, baby carrots, skim milk and a 3 tier steamer that will come in handy

when girl got home she tried to get started on her schedule but again she felt exhausted. girl took her nap at 11 instead of at 1. girl needed it and felt much better when she got up. she quickly got to work on her schoolwork as scheduled and completed the assignment due today. she has two assignments due on thursday started.

we all had dinner and girl got the dishes and kitchen cleaned up and worked on straightening up the living room.

all day girl has been worried about what kind of punishment she is going to get from Mistress. girl wishes she didn't feel so exhausted. sometimes she just feels a little tired but then other times she feels so exhausted that she can barely think straight or keep her eyes open. girl doesn't like disappointing Mistress and she certainly doesn't like getting punished.

Monday, January 19, 2009

funny how things turn out sometimes

so much has happened since girl last entries....bad and good.

girl had been training with Mistress Maggy while owned by Master Onyx. girl was to have no contact with Master during this time. girl ended up missing Him so much that Mistress Maggy noticed it was effecting girl negatively. She told Master about it and told Him He could talk to girl whenenver He wanted. Master chose to ignore girl instead. this hurt girl terribly. how could He ignore girl when she was hurting so much?

many things were going on in Master's House on imvu. Master decided to create new accounts. He ended up leaving many people behind including 3 of His own kajira. Master took this girl, Mistress Maggy and one other girl with Him. we all created new accounts with new names. this girl had had her account for nearly two years. Master wanted girl to delete her account and girl did so without hesitation.

Master continued to do things that made girl feel that He no longer cared about girl or any one. no matter what girl did or said was wrong and she kept getting into trouble. Master no longer wanted to know what girl was thinking or feeling. every time girl tried to tell Master how she was feeling He told her she was only thinking of herself.

girl ended up feeling like she was hurting Master all the time. He would get upset with girl and just leave the conversation. girl felt like she was hurting Mistress Maggy and Master's other girl. girl didn't want to hurt anyone. girl didn't want to hurt anyone any more so she left Master.

Mistress Maggy was no longer allowed to talk to girl. girl understood it was because Master Onyx had told Her she couldn't. girl was now alone on imvu in a new account with a name that Master had picked out for her.

a couple of days later, Mistress Maggy contacted girl on yahoo. girl was very surprised that She would do this against Master's wishes. Mistress thought Master was wrong for the way He had treated girl and how He turned His back on girl when she needed Him most. girl and Mistress talked for a bit and girl said she wouldn't mind if Mistress owned her. we talked about that a bit. Mistress ended up leaving Master and now owns girl.

Mistress already seems to care more than Master ever did. She is very loving and calls girl Her sunshine because girl brightens Her day. Mistress also owns girl outside of imvu. She made girl a set schedule which girl was allowed to discuss with Her. girl has been very happy so far being owned by Mistress Maggy. it was certainly an expected turn of events but a most pleasant one.

isn't it funny how things turn out sometimes?

thank You Mistress for caring about this girl. girl grows fonder of You every day. girl knows that she will be able to blossom and grow under Your love and guidance.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


all girl feels like posting at this time is that she is broken and feels so very lost and alone. her beacon in the dark is now gone and darkness has returned to girl. again she tries to find her way.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Day Two with Miss Maggy

after girl's time with Miss Maggy last night girl got ready for bed. girl clipped her chain to her collar and did her 10 minutes of kneeling. girl doesn't know why but she has a difficult time just kneeling there. after just a couple of minutesgirl starts to rock or fidget. girl realizes what she is doing and againt ries to refocus. girl recites the slave mantra somtimes or sings a little song girl made up to the turn of Jesus love Me: "Master loves girl this she knows, for her Master tells her so. this slave girl to Him belongs. she is weak but He is strong. yes Master loves girl, yes Master loves girl, yes Master loves girl, her Master tells her so." it helps girl but girl still feels she is missing something that she should be doing during this time.

girl was tired when she got in bed last night but not ready to sleep. girl played a word search game on her DS. Master allows girl to either do some word game or read but nothing else and girl has to stay in bed. It didn't take girl long to get tired enough to sleep. girl curled up in her warm comforter imagining that it was Master holding her close and with her chain clutched in her hand, girl drifted off to sleep.

girl got up on time this morning. she did her 10 minutes kneeling with her chain on. girl could not eat breakfast this morning since she had to fast for bloodwork so girl got online. Miss Maggy was on so girl and Miss chatted for a while. it was on girl's schedule to go to the hospital to get her bloodwork done at 10am. since girl was feeling kind of sick since she could not eat, Miss let girl go back to bed for a while after the kids left for school.

girl set her alarm so she would be up and out the door to the hospital at 10am. the alarm went off and for some reason girl turned it off and fell right back to sleep. when girl woke up it was almost 11am. first thing out of girl's mouth when she saw the time was "fuck". girl knew she had messed up. girl hurried around and walked the couple of blocks to the hospital. girl had never been to the hospital before and had to ask where everything was. girl got her blood drawn (girl hates needles). then girl had to have an ekg. girl was out of there by noon.

girl walked to McDonald's for lunch. it would have been closer for girl to just go home but it did girl some good to get out in the air and go for a little walk. girl thought about Master and worried about her punishment for leaving an hour late.

when girl got home it was going on 1pm. girl got on yahoo and let Miss know she was back from the hospital and told Miss that she had messed up. Miss said she would think of a suitable punishment for girl and let her know later. Miss said she would also take into consideration that girl was honest about it, that even though girl was late that it did not mess up the rest of girl's schedule at all. Miss then let girl take a nap until 3pm. girl was thankful for that. girl was tired.

girl got up a little before 3 and met Miss on yahoo. Master had posted a message in the House group about Miss working with girl. girl was happy to see this. girl didn't want the sisters thinking wrong about her. Miss allowed girl to post a thank you to Master in the group. girl got to be on imvu and see a couple of her sisters for a while with Miss. When Miss and girl went back to yahoo Miss told girl what her punishment was to be. Miss had girl kneel with the web cam on so She could watch girl. girl had to kneel for 5 minutes....smiling. this was really hard for girl. how can one smile when they know what they are doing is for a punishment? girl did her best and made it through the 5 minutes.

girl was then sent to work on her schedule. girl multitasked and got things done sooner than she scheduled. girl saw Miss online and told Miss and asked if girl could get on early. Miss said that would be fine.

Miss saw Master come on yahoo and was going to ask Him to join Her and girl. Miss could not get through to Master on yahoo or imvu. girl was so excited that she was going to get to see Master but Miss never did get through to Him. now it is time for girl to go and get ready for bed.

girl misses You Master and is thinking of You always. girl wants to be the best kajira she can be for You.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Day One with Miss Maggy

Master kept girl a couple of hours past her bedtime last night and an hour or so past the time girl was to be Miss Maggy's. neither Master nor girl wanted the night to end. Master send Miss Maggy a message letting Her know that He had kept girl late and that girl's day was to start later than originally planned. girl was worried that she would be punished by Miss Maggy on her first day for this. Miss explained to girl that since it was girl's Master that kept her she was not in trouble. girl was certainly happy to hear that.

girl was up a little before 7am this morning. she did her kneeling for 10 minutes next to her bed with her chain still clipped to her collar. girl went to her computer to get her schedule in her email from Miss but it was not there. girl sent Miss an offline message on yahoo about it. Miss must have been invisibile when girl sent it because Miss immediately became visible and explained to girl that it wasn't there yet because Master had told Her that girl's day wasn't to start until Noon since He had kept her up.

girl and Miss chatted for a while and got some things straightened out with girl's schedule. after girl's kids both left for school girl was allowed to go back to bed for a while. girl and Miss decided to meet on imvu at 10am.

girl got up and online on time. girl was not late. girl and Miss chatted and checked out some poses in some of the places Miss has. girl had a nice time with Miss. at Noon Miss dismissed girl to get her schedule started.

girl was able to follow her schedule and get 4 loads of laundry washed and dried. girl has thought about Master all day long. not a moment has gone by that Master wasn't on her mind. she is missing Him like crazy but girl knows this will be good for her.

girl is tired tonight and is hoping she is able to sleep better than she did last night. she will imagine that she is wrapped up tight in Master's loving arms.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

a time to learn

girl said she wanted to do better with following Master's schedule for her and doing her blog every night and doing better all around. girl is going to do just that or break trying.

Master has agreed to hand girl over to a Mistress for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. Master is not one that likes or agrees much with discipline. girl sometimes needs punishments to kick her in the right direction and plus it also makes girl see just how much she had been displeasing. that bothers girl more than anything. anyway, the Mistress is going to use punishments to get girl where she should be with her following schedules and such. girl is surprised that Master agreed to this. this shows girl just how much Master does care about her.

girl and Master will have very limited contact during the next 2 weeks. it is going to drive girl crazy but girl knows it will be worth it in the end.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year/New Beginnings

things got all straightened out on IMVU. all the girls in Master's House there are getting along and Master has allowed this girl to chat with all of them on yahoo since Master doesn't allow girl on IMVU without Him. girl is so very grateful that Master has allowed this.

girl and her kids went away for Christmas. we all went back to girl's familys for a week. we left the tuesday before Christmas. we stayed at girl's brothers for a couple of nights. girl got sick Christmas morning and did not get to enjoy Christmas dinner. then girl's daughter got sick after Christmas dinner. that afternoon we went to girl's parents and stayed the rest of the vacation there. girl was in bed sick for three days. girl's son then got sick for one day and then girl's dad was sick for a couple of days and then mom wasn't feeling well when we left. girl felt really bad that everyone got sick. girl's brother's family had been sick right before girl went for Christmas. it's hard to say for sure where girl got the bug but she would have liked to not had it.

Master now has girl kneeling for 10 minutes every morning and evening. girl asked Master if she could please do this and He thought it was a good idea. girl has promised Master and herself that she is going to do better with following the schedule Master gives her everyday. girl also needs to spend more time with her schoolwork and get the apartment in order. girl needs to remember that everything she does should be something that would be pleasing to Master. she needs to stop and think about what she is doing, what she is saying, how she looks, etc. would Master be pleased? if the answer is no, then girl needs to change whatever she was thinking about doing, saying, etc.

Master was out last night so girl did not get to talk with Master. the night before Master and girl got to spend some time on yahoo. it was the first real chat Master and girl had in a week since girl had been away. Master told girl that He loved her. it was the first time Master had said that and it made girl feel so good. girl knew that Master cared about her but did not think that He loved her yet. girl loves Master very much and that love grows with every passing day.

girl was lost in many ways over Christmas while she was away and without her schedule from Master. it made girl realize just how important everything Master does for girl is and how important it is for girl to follow what Master tells her.

girl hopes that this new year brings many new lessons for her. girl knows that Master will help her in every way He can because He wants to and because He loves her and owns her. being owned by Master makes girl feel safe, loved and very happy. girl knows she has a long way to go with learning how to be a good kajira for Master, but she plans on doing her best at all times and when she falls short she will not give up.

girl hopes all that read this have the best new year they have ever had. girl is pretty certain this will be the best she has ever had because she is finally where she belongs....with Master.